


Rotten Dates

by Smangle7



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 12:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8446009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smangle7/pseuds/Smangle7
Summary: Undyne notices that her King isn't doing so hot. So she and others are determined to find Asgore a new lady-friend. Their methods however, are a bit... questionable...





	

(Asgore sits in a comfy armchair watching the bird feeder he got for christmas, a cup of tea in-hand. After a good sip, he takes in the soft noises and the sun’s gentle rays and feels peace, a feeling still foreign to him. However, despite this tranquil atmosphere, he can’t help but to let out a sad sigh. Then on-cue Undyne bursts through the window making it explode into a million pieces, all the while screaming, killing the mood completely.)

 

Undyne: AHA! I KNEW IT!!!

Asgore: Wha- Undyne?! Why? How?

Undyne: I’ve been “observing” your actions for the past week! And it’s as clear as water what’s bothering you!

Asgore: Undyne, while I enjoy your visits, can you please think of a way of entering my home with less… property damage?

Undyne: (*ignores*) With the power of deductive reasoning I can strongly say that you, King Asgore Dreemurr…

 

(Undyne grabs Asgore’s face, squishing his cheeks together.)

 

Undyne: Are lonely...

Asgore: (*another sigh*) I am afraid so-

Undyne: (*digs her nails into his cheeks*) BUT! I swear by all that I am, I will re-kindle your dying fire! A knight serves her king until her last breath, and I will serve you… by getting a lady in your life.

 

(Undyne literally drags Asgore into the kitchen and they sit at the table.)

 

Undyne: (*very calm*) Now before we begin, you need closure. It’s pretty obvious that you’re still hurting over Toriel.

Asgore: Is it really? Well then, I guess there is no point in hiding it anymore. I, I still miss her dearly, I’ve tried many different coping methods, but none have availed.

Undyne: Hm, I know it must be hard.

Asgore: It is. Sans, he is a good man. They are happy together, what am I to do?

Undyne: I know what to do…

 

(Undyne pulls something out of her pocket, it’s a little plastic bridge. Something that belongs in a bored game. She places it in the middle of the table.)

 

Undyne: This is a bridge…

 

(Asgore picks it up and examines it.)

 

Asgore: Oh my, what a cute little bridge.

 

(Undyne suddenly smacks it out of his hand.)

 

Undyne: NOW GET OVER IT!!!

Asgore: Good Heavens!

Undyne: (*calm again*) Good good, now that we’re able to move on from the past and learn from it. It’s about time you get an update on flirting.

Asgore: Oh it-it has been so long, I do not think I can do it.

Undyne: That’s great! You’re already at the first stage, self-doubt! Come on, let’s get some help in here.

 

(The duo move over to Undyne’s place. In there, a nervous Alphys sits at the table, Undyne and Asgore are in another room.)

 

Undyne: Alright! We’re going to pretend that Alphys here is a hot single ready to mingle, you ready babe?!

Alphys: (*whispers*) (oh my god she just called me “babe”!…) Oh! um uh… r-Ready!

Undyne: Awesome! Now remember, you have to give it your all! Show her your true passion! Your burning love for her and her only! Go on big guy, you got this…

 

(Asgore meekly shuffles up to the table and sits down next to Alphys. Both look equally uncomfortable, Asgore turns his head to Undyne for reassurance, she gives him double thumbs up and a big smile. He awkwardly smiles back and they two continue to sit in a horrible silence.)

 

Asgore: Um, h-Howdy! You are looking… nice today…

Alphys: Oh why, th-thank you!...

 

( … … … )

 

Undyne: (*loud whisper*) more emotion!!!

Asgore: So um, wonder- wonderful weather we are having…

Alphys: Yeah, I-I guess…

 

( … … … )

 

Undyne: Ugh! Let me show you how it’s done! NAAGGHHHHHHH!!!

 

(Undyne leaps into the air and lands on top of the table with a loud boom. She gets on one knee and sticks her arm out to her girlfriend.)

 

Undyne: ALPHYS!!! I really care about you! I respect your opinion!! We. Have. Similar. INTERESTS!!!

Alphys: (*taken aback*) o-Oh my! Undyne what are yo-

 

(Then swiftly, Undyne wraps her arms around Alphys, the scientist goes beet red as they look in each other’s eyes.)

 

Undyne: Now! Let me share my bountiful feelings… with you…

Alphys: (*melts in Undyne’s arms*) Oh Undyne…

 

(The lesbian couple proceeds to vigorously make out on the kitchen table. They’re so caught up in the moment that they forget that Asgore is literally right there watching it all unfold.)

 

Asgore: I-I, I think I will see myself out…

 

(Asgore calmly gets up from the table and walks out of the house, the images and noises still burned into his mind. He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice the limousine driving down the street and it runs over his foot. He screams in pain and grabs it to apply healing magic. By the time he’s done the long hot-pink limo has reached to a stop, the passenger takes one step out. Asgore knows that leg anywhere. Mettaton walks out and poses.)

 

Mettaton: Hello cul-de-sac! You just got a whole lot prettier!

Asgore: Oh Mettaton, what a pleasant (and painful) surprise. What brings you here?

Mettaton: Why you Dreamy dear, I can sense a broken heart anywhere! I got some free time, so it’s your lucky day... Daddy Asgore.

Asgore: I will pay you to never call me that again.

Mettaton: Oh what’s that? You accept my training and you’re excited? Well that’s just great so am I! Let’s go…

 

(Mettaton grabs Asgore and they hop into the limo. They drive up to MTT Resort Headquarters, and go up to Mettaton’s penthouse. There he sets the stage and opens his enormous closet.)

 

Mettaton: Now darling, before we begin, you have to understand a little thing called… impressions! Everyone gives off an impression, the very second someone sees you, they comprehend and judge you (humans especially). (*claps twice*) Oh Gustavoooo!

 

(A small well-dressed man with big circular shades appears out of nowhere, he grabs a stool and sets next to the King, Gustavo stands on it and pulls a measuring tape out of his pocket and begins to wrap it around Asgore’s waist, much to his surprise.)

 

Asgore: Wha-Mettaton! What is the meaning of this?

Mettaton: Just getting your measurements dear, you are a big fellow after all. Since we only have one second, my personal designer and I have to make it the most fabulous second ever!

Asgore: Oh I doubt you could spruce up an old goat like me.

Mettaton: Nonsense! When we’re done with you dear, you’ll look 30 years younger!

Asgore: You do know that, what with me being a boss monster, I have been roughly 46 years old since the 1530’s right?

Mettaton: Looks like we’ll have to start on that sense of humor of yours...

 

(A montage follows of Gustavo measuring Asgore, the designer picking fabrics, sewing them together, Mettaton teaching Asgore how strut down the runway, pose, etc. Until Asgore is wearing an expertly hand-made suit that’s a dark navy blue, with a silk purple tie and pocket cloth. The King stands in the mirror room so he can see himself at every angle.)

 

Mettaton: Oh my lord! You look so sharp! Gustavo you have out done yourself.

Asgore: Why, this is beautiful Mettaton! I am so grateful you made this for me, thank you.

Mettaton: I’m so glad you like it dear. Now, as for your payment…

Asgore: Payment?

 

(Computer noises whirl from Mettaton’s body, and a receipt is printed out of his chest, he rips it off and hands it to Asgore.)

 

Mettaton: Here you are.

 

(Asgore reads it and gets wide-eyed.)

 

Asgore: Mettaton! I must say this bill is absurd!

Mettaton: Whatever do you mean darling?

Asgore: Well this suit seems fair, with it being hand-made and done so quickly, but then there are these other charges: 25 dollars for every footstep in the building, in your presence fee, breathing fee, existence fee…

Mettaton: Well we all have to make money somehow.

Asgore: Mettaton I am sorry, but I cannot afford this.

Mettaton: (*sad*) Oh dear, then I’m sorry I have to do this…

 

(Mettaton presses a buzzer on his wrist and two burly monsters come out of nowhere, each wearing a tight black shirt that says, “hands off” in pink bedazzled letters.)

 

Asgore: How many people are in this room right now?

Mettaton: Security please escort this kind man off the premises. Do be nice to him, he hasn’t done anything bad. I’m so sorry Dreamy dear, nothing personal, but business is business and I have a reputation to keep.

Asgore: Oh no it is fine, I understand.

 

(Asgore quickly changes out of the suit and back into his clothes. He exits the building with the two guards following him to make sure he’s out. Once outside, they go back in and Asgore is left to his lonesome. He walks back home but halfway it begins to rain, Asgore groans in annoyance and has no choice but to continue glumly. Once he finally returns to the cul-de-sac drenched, Asgore notices another person standing out on their own front yard, they notice the King.)

 

Papyrus: OH GOOD AFTERNOON YOUR MAJESTY! WONDERFUL WEATHER WE’RE HAVING.

Asgore: Um Papyrus? Why are you standing in the rain?

Papyrus: (*looks up to the sky*) I LOVE THE RAIN. I ENJOY HOW THE DROPS TICKLE MY SKULL, HOW THEY TRICKLE DOWN MY VERTEBRAE, IT’S A SKELETON THING…

Asgore: Ah I see.

Papyrus: WHY ARE YOU STANDING IN THE RAIN?

Asgore: It is… a long story.

 

(Papyrus sits on the ground criss-cross and rests his head on his hands, indicating he’s willing to listen.)

 

Asgore: (*chuckles*) Well why not come into my house? I can explain everything there, where it is NOT raining…

 

(The men go to Asgore’s place and the king explains the strange events in the past couple of hours, as well as his sense of loneliness, all the while they drink tea. Papyrus listens politely, he not once interrupts, by the time Asgore is done they’ve run out of tea. The skeleton places his cup down and thinks for a bit.)

 

Papyrus: HM... I PERSONALLY DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE ARE GOING AFTER FEMALES. THEY’RE WEIRD, ICKY, AND FULL OF COOTIES.

Asgore: But isn’t your best friend a female?

Papyrus: WELL YES BUT, SHE’S UNDYNE!

 

(Asgore looks at his still broken window.)

 

Asgore: True…

Papyrus: ANYWAYS, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ONLY DID THOSE THINGS BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT YOU. THE PROBLEM IS, YOU’RE TRYING TO FIND HAPPINESS IN ANOTHER PERSON. YOU SHOULD NEVER FORCE YOUR FEELINGS ONTO SOMEONE ELSE, THAT’S NOT FAIR TO THEM OR YOU. YOU NEED TO BE YOUR OWN SOURCE, JUST LOOK AT ME! I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY ALL THE TIME!

Asgore: Huh, I have never thought it like that, thank you Papyrus. Those were very wise words.

Papyrus: THANK YOU! I LIKE WATCHING THAT “DR. PHIL” HUMAN, I JUST FIND HIS VOICE HILARIOUS.

 

(Papyrus gets up, and Asgore walks with him up to the door.)

 

Papyrus: THIS WAS NICE. WE SHOULD STAND OUT IN THE RAIN MORE OFTEN!

Asgore: I will leave that to you actually. I do not quite get the same sensation.

Papyrus: REALLY? HM, THAT’S A SHAME. YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOME TIME! YOU JUST NEED TO PEEL OFF ALL THAT SKIN AND, BAM! IT’S THAT EASY!

Asgore: (*chuckles*) Well, it certainly is tempting, but perhaps another time. Take care Papyrus.

Papyrus: NOODLE-O!

 

(The skeleton walks out, but after a few seconds Asgore hears a thud and opens the door to see Papyrus on the porch floor face first.)

 

Asgore: My word! Are you alright?

Papyrus: IT SEEMS MY LEGS HAVE BETRAYED ME… OWIE THAT’S GOING TO STING TOMORROW. I TRIPPED OVER THIS THING ON YOUR PORCH, IT’S ALMOST LIKE IT WAS LEFT THERE ON PURPOSE.

 

(Asgore notices the thing between him and Papyrus. A little box with a paper around it held with a rubber band. The king picks it up.)

 

Asgore: Hm, just what could this be?

Papyrus: WELL WHATEVER IT IS, IT TRIED TO KILL ME. SO DO BE CAREFUL! SEE YOU AROUND YOUR MAJESTY!

 

(Still on the porch, Asgore pulls the paper off its rubber band. It’s a note, it says, “You seem a little down, try these. Maybe they’ll grow on you. -Frisk”. The box contains flower seeds of many different kind, and on the back of the note is a crude drawing of Asgore standing in a flower garden smiling. Asgore smiles at the sight of this, he looks up at Toriel’s house to see Frisk out on their porch as well looking at him. They wave at Asgore, he waves back and mouths the words “thank you”. However the front door on Frisk’s porch quickly opens to reveal Toriel, she grabs Frisk by the arm and drags them inside, but not before giving Asgore a harsh stare. She slams the door.)

 

Asgore: Well… she did not yell this time, that is a start.

 

(Asgore enters his home. He places the box on the counter in his kitchen, and puts the drawing up on his fridge. He stares at it, feeling a strange sense of proudness that he hasn't felt in a very very long time. He decides to turn in early and goes to bed. Asgore thinks of all the nice things his friends did for him today. But it's the little things that made this old goat, finally happy.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, I put a lot of work into it. Feel free to comment any and all advice (nice alliteration) to make my work better. Have a nice day, I hope to see you in the future.


End file.
